Primates of All Ireland

It is impossible not to get despondent living in this wretched country run by arseholes. There seems to be no choice but to despair for the future and your place in it, to surrender your fate to a bunch of pricks some of whom will spend the next six months on a committee trying to concoct a way to let one of their clique off the hook for a level of fraud that would see you or I sacked and prosecuted without a minute’s hesitation.

The gloom thickens.

And as a way to escape it you might pick up a copy of Hot Press magazine. And in there you would see that there is an Irish band called Fight Like Apes who have just released an album called The Body of Christ The Legs of Tina Turner.

And the gloom lifts. Because you remind yourself that for every Ivor Callely or Noel Dempsey or Mary Coughlan there is a Fight Like Apes. And they are out there doing real work, important work, enhancing peoples’ lives recording albums with titles like The Body of Christ The Legs of Tina Turner.

And the really good news is that they are amongst us, you might bump into them if you go into town tonight for a pint. They are accessible and you can speak to them and tell them of your admiration for what they are doing. You can tell them that right minded people all over the land believe in their work as the antidote to being becalmed in the Sea of Callely and you can urge them to take their project one step further. You can tell them that they need to spearhead a co operative political collective which will also be called Fight Like Apes and which will have as its slogan The Body of Christ The Legs of Tina Turner.

Because you are out there every day, and you see the groundswell of support such an initiative would create amongst people who still believe there is real potential to be realized. Not The Apprentice type porcelain tile and twin wash hand basin type potential but the kind which relates to the galvanising of people to interrupt the rape and pillaging of our futures by the fat fuckclumps of Kildare Street.

We are going to throw ourselves onto the cogs of the machine and we want Fight Like Apes to lead the way. Because we have heard their arsenal of trippy keys and banshee hooks and have come to realize that these can be used to form the basis of a new political dialogue, a new dialect in which Dermot Aherne will not be able to participate. We will rebuild the vernacular, the parlance of politics will henceforth only be available to those with something wholesome to say.

For every report of the Oireachtas Sub Committee on Members Interests we can counter with a “Pull Off Your Arms and Lets Play In Your Blood” or “Waking Up With Robocop”. We want to put things right, Fight Like Apes is who we should be talking to. Mary O’Rourke had her chance.

It’s the Lord’s work. Just do it.