Hold The Front Page

In an unprecedented development a football manager deduced after a recent game that his team was merely tired mentally. The same week an athlete stated that he was tired physically after exertions on the international circuit whereas back at home it was business as usual when the captain of a hurling team proclaimed that he and his team were indeed tired physically AND mentally following the recent campaign.

Elsewhere and in an unexpected break with tradition an over the hill light entertainment celebrity has vowed to let cancer beat him.

Keep It Country

Mind how you go. Stop, look, listen. Take a minute to reflect. We are living, not in a country or a society but an economy, a fragile little slip of a thing. We need to tread very carefully.

I urge you to add another layer of thought to the layers of deliberation you already carry out before you set about each component of your daily business. Want to pick up the kids early? Want to do a lasagne for dinner? Want to go for a few drinks on Saturday night? Want to give your five a side a miss this week?

Well go ahead, but think very carefully about the impact your recklessness is having. On the markets. I implore you to spare a thought for the markets. Look into your heart and in the name of all that’s holy bow your head in a moment of solitary contemplation and think, just stop and think about how the markets will react.

Dictionary Corner

Shitocracy: A strand of democracy popularised in the Republic of Ireland in the early years of the twenty first century wherein only proven gobshites can be elected to a nation's parliament. Despite initial concerns as to its viability, Shitocracy has subsequently become the preferred form of governance of the western world in the process conferring global notoriety on its pioneer and principal proponent Brian Cowen.

Flour Power

Dismaycation

Of course nobody of importance goes on holidays anymore. They take annual leave instead.

If you were dealing with a professional on, say for example, a legal matter and you rang for an update you would be thoroughly dismayed to hear the voicemail declare that they had gone on holidays. Such frivolity you might think would be an indication that you were dealing with a flippant, flaky individual and you might consider taking your business elsewhere. On the other hand to hear the message announce that the person was enjoying annual leave would give ample reassurance that you were in fact dealing with a serious minded individual and that your fate is in good hands.

Going on holidays is not behaviour appropriate to the calibre of individual you would want looking out for your interests conjuring up, as it does, squalid images of shallow pursuits such as sunbathing, feeding slot machines and eating candy floss. Taking annual leave with its connotations of guided tours of vineyards and modern art museums is a more palatable proposition entirely.

Your stature, character, morality, background, education and socio economic standing can now be succinctly articulated in how you describe your time off. Handy.