I have just seen a TV3 presenter outside the new Ikea store in Dublin in front of a baying mob of anxious punters champing at the bit to get in. The doors are about to be thrown open any minute and the tension all over north Dublin is, quite naturally, unbearable. The store we are told is “the size of several football pitches.” This shoddy description renders a good image hard to conjure since the presenter did not say whether she was talking about gaelic, soccer, aussie rules or even grid iron. And “several” left me with a muddled, unsatisfactory picture in my head. I resolved not to set foot next nor near the place until I acquire a more accurate mental image of the scale of the sales floor, in sporting terms of course. Surely Micheal O’ Muireheartigh was the man to anchor that report, not some Xpose type handbag addict. “ I can now reveal that the sales floor in this retail facility is equivalent in size to the combined playing area in O’Moore Park, Parnell Park, St. Conleths Park, Markiewicz Park ( prior to redevelopment), Semple Stadium and Dr. Cullen Park up to and including the 45m line at the town end”. Much better. Now that’s a place I can shop.
A new swimming pool opened recently in our local town and I recall excitedly describing the facility to a friend of mine who had yet to visit it. “How big is the pool?” was his sole, perplexing response. “Massive” I replied. “Yeah but how big, is it Olympic size like?” was his insistent reply. It’s funny, you think you know someone but here was a guy I have known for years who was obviously secretly harbouring ambitions to launch an assault on Michael Phelps’ 200m freestyle world record, and in the heart of the midlands to boot. I am watching his progress intently, this is the type of thing we need to put us on the map. That and a discount furniture store the size of several Olympic swimming pools. We shall be known henceforth as the definitive, undisputed Olympic Village.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
Summertime And The Living Is Queasy
Have you heard the new version of “Year of the Cat” by Tehran based singer songwriter Al Jazeera? Bloody brilliant it is. You can get it on i tunes.
Have you succumbed to the temptation to quantify the remainder of your life? For example if you are thirty five you might reasonably expect to live to seventy five and, like myself, you take one shower a month that equates to only 480 more showers. If you have a shave before each shower and use Gillette Fusion razors that’s only a half dozen more four packs you’ll have to buy for the rest of your life. Keep track by drawing up a simple square grid and hanging it, and a pencil, on the wall beside the bathroom mirror.
Dennis Hopper, on screen for the first time in Blue Velvet. Come on Dennis Hopper legend of the silver screen, icon of celluloid; explain it all to me in your typically subtle, brilliantly understated way. Let your first dramatic utterance shed some much needed light on this debacle of plot and posture. I’m confused Dennis, this tangled gothic parody has me all perplexed. Bring your presence, your stature, your aura to bear on this cinematic nail bomb. We’ve waited for you Dennis, we knew you were coming and that when you arrived you would set things straight. What’s going on Dennis, please? I need to know. At which point Dennis scans the situation and booms as loud as his larynx will permit “fuck you fuckers fuck”. Grand that’s me up to speed then. Thank you Dennis Hopper. Legend.
Would the assassination of Brian Cowen qualify as a circumstance under which he would consider his position? I am of course speaking within the context of an agreed framework under which clearly established procedures and parameters of negotiation with the social partners could form the basis of the substantive issues which would then clearly need to be addressed in an inclusive manner notwithstanding current global market conditions which are still uncertain while our fundamentals are sound and sixteen pints a night does not constitute a drink problem. Not where I come from at any rate, going forward.
Have you succumbed to the temptation to quantify the remainder of your life? For example if you are thirty five you might reasonably expect to live to seventy five and, like myself, you take one shower a month that equates to only 480 more showers. If you have a shave before each shower and use Gillette Fusion razors that’s only a half dozen more four packs you’ll have to buy for the rest of your life. Keep track by drawing up a simple square grid and hanging it, and a pencil, on the wall beside the bathroom mirror.
Dennis Hopper, on screen for the first time in Blue Velvet. Come on Dennis Hopper legend of the silver screen, icon of celluloid; explain it all to me in your typically subtle, brilliantly understated way. Let your first dramatic utterance shed some much needed light on this debacle of plot and posture. I’m confused Dennis, this tangled gothic parody has me all perplexed. Bring your presence, your stature, your aura to bear on this cinematic nail bomb. We’ve waited for you Dennis, we knew you were coming and that when you arrived you would set things straight. What’s going on Dennis, please? I need to know. At which point Dennis scans the situation and booms as loud as his larynx will permit “fuck you fuckers fuck”. Grand that’s me up to speed then. Thank you Dennis Hopper. Legend.
Would the assassination of Brian Cowen qualify as a circumstance under which he would consider his position? I am of course speaking within the context of an agreed framework under which clearly established procedures and parameters of negotiation with the social partners could form the basis of the substantive issues which would then clearly need to be addressed in an inclusive manner notwithstanding current global market conditions which are still uncertain while our fundamentals are sound and sixteen pints a night does not constitute a drink problem. Not where I come from at any rate, going forward.
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