Pro Choice Coughlan

In response to Leo Varadkar’s suggestion in the Dail yesterday that she may not be cut out for the role that she has somehow miraculously acquired, Mary “Context” Coughlan cobbled together a typically hopeless, meandering, verbose and unconvincing retort which contained the following line “my personality is something for others to decide”.

Are we to interpret this as a recognition that the personality she currently possesses is not resonating with the voters and she is open to suggestions as to how it might be modified? If this is the case it represents a watershed moment in the history of politics. Maybe her spin doctors have been inspired by the plethora of TV talent shows where the eventual result is determined by a public vote. They have seen the success of this format and thought there must be some way to apply it to the political realm.

Assuming that by “others” she means the general public, we have been presented with an unmissable opportunity to configure the character of the second most powerful political figure in the country in a way which we find more agreeable.

It is unclear at this point exactly how it will work but presumably we will be given a number to which we will text our suggestions, the personality garnering the most votes being the one she will adopt henceforth.

It is certainly groundbreaking and carries with it the potential to eradicate politics as we know it. For if every so often our elected representatives place their personalities before the general public for re setting what is the point of opposition, what is the point of debate, what is the point of elections? If we can re boot our leaders periodically to keep them more in touch with the public mood I think we will have established a template that the rest of the world will be keen to replicate.

Think of all the time that will be freed up on the airwaves and television when we dispense with the annoying need for political dialogue. Think of never having to see the wig of David Davin-Power again. Think of all the column inches that can be devoted to Glenda Gilson instead and think of all the benevolence and contentment that will naturally flow from such developments.

Unwittingly I think Context Coughlan has unearthed the key to the survival and sustained happiness of the human race.

And you thought she was just a pretty face.