Have you ever noticed the little verbal protocols that RTE correspondents seem to observe when reporting on anything of a judicial nature? “A file is being prepared for the DPP”. It never varies, you will never hear “prosecutions are likely” or “evidence is being compiled to pursue convictions”. It’s always the exact same sentence. A file is being prepared for the DPP. Or how about “the victim was named locally”, my personal favourite.
Are you aware of any circumstances under which the victim would be named remotely? “The incident took place in this remote townsland south of Tubercurry; the victim was named near Budapest as thirty eight year old welder Sean Og O’ Shaughnessy”. Are we not to presume at this point that in the case of a victim of a crime being named at all that this is an event which would exclusively take place locally.
How has it come about, this fixation on pinpointing the co ordinates at which victim names are released? Is it intended to clear up what has heretofore been seen as a grey area? I’m not aware of any confusion having existed in this regard. I could be wrong of course. Maybe there is a little known piece of European legislation, perhaps something buried deep within the Maastricht protocols which, unbeknownst to everyone, created Reciprocal Victim Naming Treaties between regions within European Union member states.
There may previously have existed, for example, a pact between Leinster and Provence whereby we get to name their victims and they get to name ours. If this is the case then maybe the reporter should reference it in his summation “As the Reciprocal Victim Naming Treaty between Connacht and Bratislava expired last May, the victim was named locally”. That’s better.
If these agreements do indeed exist they are more than likely constantly being re drafted and implemented. Are we soon likely, for example, to hear an RTE reporter outside a courthouse in Kerry say something like “the victim cannot be named locally due to the existence of a Reciprocal Victim Naming Treaty between Munster and Tuscany”. How likely is it that we will shortly hear Ann Doyle tell us “still to come on tonight’s Six One news all the weekend sport, weather and a round up of today’s Venetian murder victims” while simultaneously Italian news anchor Fabio Lippi invites his viewers to stay put in order to catch the names of the subjects of the day’s homicides in Tralee.
Could this be the basis of another leg in the No to Lisbon platform? I can just see Declan Ganley in his next press conference urging us to reject deranged European democracy and, ahem, keep victim naming local. Wrestle back control from the Brussels bureaucrats, first it was straight bananas, now they’re messing with the deceased. What are they trying to achieve? If they’re not careful the identity of these people will become the subject of baseless speculation, conjecture and gossip and none of these are areas in which Irish people are particularly comfortable. Oh God no.
Of course if there was any real commercial acumen to be found in the management of RTE they would recognise the commercial potential here. Especially in these straitened times with advertising revenue dwindling at an alarming rate. It’s an alternate revenue stream staring them in the face and they can’t even see it. Naming rights could be auctioned off to the highest corporate bidder in a manner reminiscent of the Point Depot or Landsdowne Road. Tonight’s manslaughters are brought to you by Nokia. Connecting People via blunt instruments.
The victim was named in Frankfurt as forty two year old Kilmuckridge man Fiachra MacGillacuddy. A cake is being prepared for the DPP.
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