Monday, April 6, 2009

Wait Till I Tell Ya

Police in Dundalk are confirming the arrest of Lorraine Keane in the town on Saturday night on suspicion of masterminding an ongoing cross border diesel smuggling operation. Keane, who is best known for hosting celebrity gossip programme Xpose on TV3, was denied bail with the judge characterising her as “a significant flight risk”.

Sunday Independent columnist Barry Egan will issue a statement later this morning after footage which appears to show the journalist taking part in a gruesome bare knuckle boxing match appeared on You Tube.

Rachel Allen has denied reports that she is in the final stage of negotiations with Gastroporn Productions, a company run by Ron Jeremy, to appear alongside Nigella Lawson in a big budget production provisionally titled “I Like Big Buns and I Cannot Lie”

A spokesman for Jackie Healy Rae would not comment on reports in some of today’s tabloid papers which suggest he has agreed personal terms and will in the next twenty four hours be confirmed as the new face of Ralph Lauren.

In the wake of Peter Stringer’s sudden disappearance from the international rugby scene, Paul O’Connell was this morning forced to deny accusations that he had mistakenly blended the former no. 9 into one of his high protein milk shakes and drank him.

Miriam O’Callaghan incurred the wrath of anti blood sports protestors on Saturday when she arrived in Clonmel with her eight children to attend the finals of the Irish Coursing Derby. When questioned by reporters Ms. O’ Callaghan replied "Sure Jaysus we’re all mad into the coursing, it’s a mighty day’s sport like"

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