It Says Here. 7 Chinese Brothers. New Slang.

Billy Bragg live 1985. When you wake up to the fact that your paper is Tory just remember there are two sides to every story.

REM 1984. Nothing to do with a general election across the Irish Sea.

The Shins. Life is dangerously fast. Thank God I'm listening to the right music.

So Not The Point

It has been pointed out by an acquaintance of mine that my previous post contains factual errors, errors which have led him to believe that I am guilty of conducting inadequate research. The error in question is the current title of Mary Hanafin. Apparently the description of her job should read Minister for Culture and Sport and not Minister for Arts, Culture and Tourism.

What we have here is a classic case of the internationally recognized phenomenon known as I say potAto and you say potaahto. For the wording of her job title is insignificant. She knows as little about sport as she does about the arts, or culture as it concerns people outside Leinster House. She knows nothing of the body of work of Gram Parsons or Andy Irvine in the same way that she knows nothing of who trained Dawn Run or who scored the goal that got us to the 1994 World Cup Finals or what club Henry Sheflin represents.

She might as well be called Minister for High Pressure Hydraulic Piston Pumps, a department which I gather was a hair's breadth away from being created in the recent reshuffle until someone reminded Cowen that you should never act the bollix with hydraulics.

Ah well. Luckily we're still going forward.

Hanafin de Histoire

Mary Hanafin is the new Minister for Arts, Culture and Tourism. We are being encouraged by some quarters to welcome this, quarters which cite the determination with which she halved social welfare payments for young people a year ago as being perfect credentials and a glowing testament to the “can do” attitude she will bring to her new post. When mired in economic imperatives traits such as immoral callousness are seemingly the only ones that count. The lack of any actual credentials which a right minded person might consider essential for a role as Minister for Arts, Culture and Tourism has thus far not been raised as a concern.

I would like to conduct a test on Mary Hanafin to ascertain her suitability for the job. To establish her bona fides if you like.

I would like to ask her to name a great event which took place in a given year, say for argument’s sake 1975. I am sure Mary would make no mention of the release of Blood on the Tracks by Bob Dylan and refer instead to a landslide victory by Fianna Fail in a by election in Dublin South East.

I would also like to ask her to name a tragic event which took place in a given year, say for argument’s sake 1980. I am sure Mary would make no mention of the assassination of John Lennon and refer instead to a narrow defeat for Fianna Fail in a by election in Dublin South West.

If I pressed Mary for her opinion on the significance of the year 1977 would she cite the release of Never Mind the Bollocks by the Sex Pistols or the narrow margin by which a Fianna Fail government survived a no confidence motion in the Dail? How often would Celine Dion or Robbie Williams be mentioned if Mary were ever asked to appear on Desert Island Discs? I wonder if Mary could tell us the flagship production of the Sugan Theatre Company last year, or what play enjoyed an acclaimed two month run in the Dunamaise Arts Centre in Portlaoise over the winter?

Maybe I’m being a little too harsh on Hanafin, our Finance Minister for example knows very little about fiscal policy, or economics in general. Our Minister for Health looks as though she has hours to live. Our Minister for Education…well you get the point. Three Hail Marys there. That can’t be an accident from a Taoiseach who hasn’t a prayer of being re elected.

Qualities touted around the biosphere of Kildare Street keep that colony of conceit, spoof, stylised bullshite and unvouched expenses in its orbit and rarely have any meaning or import for the real people.

Mary knows this, she knows fuck all about the Arts, Culture or Tourism. Or anything else for that matter.

Going forward.

Just Walk Away

Were you or were you not disappointed, furious, disillusioned or frustrated by the recent cabinet reshuffle by Brian Cowen? There are those who pay attention to these things and those who don’t anymore. The latter group used to keep themselves well apprised but came to a decision that it would probably be better for everyone to turn their back on it all. And implicit in their act was the realization that there is no future in making yourself angry over people who clearly have no ability to do anything not being able to do anything.

They got up one day and thought that they wouldn’t lose the plot with a six year old who couldn’t grasp quadratic equations or they wouldn’t whip themselves into a frenzy chastising their pet terrier for not being able to put on a DVD. And this epiphany was arrived at by analyzing trends, not in any formal or premeditated way but more by just noticing things. The terrier has never displayed any proficiency in electronics, this is something they just noticed. The six year old can only handle 2+ tables, this is just something they noticed. The people who occupy the positions we know as cabinet positions are people who have no discernible talent, proficiency, flair or ability in any field. So to pin too much hope on the outcome of a rearrangement of these people, an event which involved nothing more than having a few of them swap offices or adding or omitting a word in the description of their “role” is stupid. To expect the fabled reshuffle to buck well established trends and render people with a long and illustrious history of uselessness useful is just stupid.

And the people who don't pay attention anymore are not stupid, they are righteous folk who just grew tired of being made to feel stupid by people who really are stupid. So they threw in the towel. They hung up their gloves. And they’re happy now.

Going forward.

Catching On

Son Volt on Austin City Limits from a few years ago

Creep of Faith

It was interesting to hear Patsy McGarry on the radio the other morning urging people not to get too excited about the imminent release of the papal pastoral letter. He was sure that the letter would help “repentance, healing and renewal” but remained convinced that the letter would not be an instant panacea for all the damage that has been done. Restraint and cautious optimism was what Patsy was advocating.

So remember what you were like in the preamble to the last pastoral letter? How you couldn’t sleep for weeks, how you couldn’t keep your mind on your work such was your giddiness, how you spent days scouring the internet looking for an excerpt or a sneak preview, how you were constantly calling your friends to see if they’d heard anything.

Don’t do that this time. Patsy reckons you’ll only be disappointed.

The Tullamore School of Crisis Management

The big news this morning is that the CPSU, that’s the Civil, Public and Services Union for the uninitiated, have altered the parameters of the industrial action currently being taken by staff of the passport office, its members. They have decided to extend the criteria which would qualify a citizen for an emergency passport to include those with immediate travel plans.

The CPSU and its principal mouthpiece Eoin Ronayne have made this decision. Not any member of our government which convenes two hundred yards away. Eoin Ronayne has decided who qualifies for a passport and who doesn’t.

Those of you who thought that such decisions might fall under the remit of the Department of Foreign Affairs or the Department of the Environment or the Department of Social and Family Affairs are wrong. Such decisions have been outsourced by Brian Cowen and now fall under the remit of the Civil, Public and Services Union and its principal mouthpiece Eoin Ronayne.

Going forward.