Are You Really Calling The Shots?

We think we make decisions but we don’t. Things happen to us. We passively allow events to take place and then set about retrospectively constructing the rationale which, in an ideal world, would have initiated the event in the first place. But it’s too late; it’s not a decision any more. It’s a retroactive justification we concoct to placate and delude ourselves into thinking we’re in control. The world hurls garbage of one kind or another at us in the creation of most of which we have been utterly complicit and as a consequence are powerless to influence or abate in any meaningful way.

People allow all manner of stuff to happen that if properly analysed they would not. We are essentially lazy, we don’t want to expend too much mental effort figuring out if things are right or appropriate for us so we allow events to unfold unfettered. We permit our lives to string out into a sequence of uncontrolled incidents. This is probably why there is so much unhappiness around. People get married who shouldn’t, people have children who shouldn’t, people move to the country who shouldn’t, people get credit cards who shouldn't, people buy ponies who shouldn't. These revelations arrive too late, with the insight which the experience itself provides.

It seems that if people were more reflective and contemplative we would all find ourselves better off. If everyone used and honed their capacity for analysis and premeditation a lot of unhappy outcomes could be avoided. Is this it, is this the summation of all our problems - we are too lazy and shallow. Could it possibly be that simple?

And of course we all know those who have managed to suit themselves and wonder where the savvy comes from. The answer, of course, can be found within the concept of reincarnation. On the evidence that I have seen it seems it may take a couple of attempts to become good at life. So as you look at the beautiful ones, the ones who have managed to manipulate all the forces around them to their own ends console yourself with the knowledge that they are probably on their second or third circuit. Buried deep within their subconscious are all the lessons of previous human lives lived unsatisfactorily, notes to self.

Most of us used to be badgers or llamas or iguanas, that’s why we still don’t get it. Maybe next time round.

Credibility Benefit

So it appears Norris is even more qualified for the job than we thought. He’s been looting two and a half grand a month on the back of some disability yarn for the past seventeen years. Incredibly, the voters view this as a bad thing and he has plummeted in the opinion polls. I seem to be in the minority in thinking that these revelations enhance his credentials. He’s an old hand at this crack. A master of the fine art of collecting vast quantities of money for no apparent reason; this is what they call having a proven track record. If it's relevant experience you want then look no further.

You can have your Sean Gallaghers of this world with their enterprise, acumen, drive and resourcefulness all day long. But it counts for very little when you stack it up against the savvy of a Daithí Norris. Daithí has taken us for half a mill while no one was looking; he’s already in Presidential mode.

Let’s just get the formalities over with and get him in there. Gallagher will you just run along there now and create a few jobs, like a good lad. Leave the heavy lifting to disability Daithí.

Nothing to see here.

Load Rage

A drop of sand on the road causes more stress than you might imagine.

Cut Your Cloth

You know the recession is biting hard when you find yourself researching a coursing rather than skiing trip. I have to be honest, the aprés is going to take a bit of getting used to.

Radio Norwich

And of course you’d have to wonder what has happened to news reportage in general but on the radio in particular.

Two days ago I heard a newsreader say this; “three men have been arrested in connection with distant republican activity”. Last week I heard the Italian Prime Minister being called Silvio Berluscoli. Also last week, on three separate bulletins, I hear that Barack Obama’s jobs program was worth $447 million.

Factual errors are unforgivable but equally as offensive is the unchanging upbeat delivery. With this approach there is no alteration of tone, pitch or gravity regardless of the story at hand. So the famine, genocide, earthquake, kidnap, road accident or brutal daylight assault gets the same treatment as the new baby panda at Dublin Zoo.

I’d say Steve Coogan would be shocked to learn that in Ireland Alan Partridge turned out to be an inspirational figure.

Swag

So the Bosnian family managed to loot ninety grand for themselves in a year. Not bad. But not great either when you consider that there’s a good few involved; the couple themselves, a few kids, a couple of grannies and other miscellaneous family members. In isolation it’s not bad going but when you stack it up alongside some more experienced looters and break it down to a per capita figure, it’s not all that impressive.

But let’s give them some credit; at least they’re having a go. And when immigrants show a willingness to immerse themselves in our culture they should be encouraged. So if they’re serious about developing their Irishness and genuinely want to improve I would suggest they drop by the Seanad some day and take a few notes or give George Lee or Marion Finucane or Mary McAleese or Padraig McManus or Frank Daly or John Bruton or (insert top level public servant of your choice here) a call.

Because, contrary to that convoluted old saying, it turns out that in Ireland you only need to fool a couple of the people once.

Animal

Jenny and Johnny at Glastonbury 2011