Show Me The Money

We have had to listen to a lot of debate recently about the value for money provided by our elected representatives, most notably the ones who occupy Leinster House. The extent and nature of allowable expenses, participation in out of hours committees, the merits of the Junior Ministries amongst other issues have been discussed and dissected ad nauseum by panels of experts and journalists up and down the land. Well I’m glad to report that I have heard all I need to hear, I have considered all the evidence and am now in a position to weigh in with my conclusion.

None of them should be paid a red cent. Give them nothing.

These people never tire of reminding us that their sole motivation is the prosperity and well being of their constituents. Their raison d’etre is to look after the interests of those abandoned, voiceless peasants who saw it in their hearts to make the ultimate declaration of trust and vote for them in the first place. To do anything less than work ceaselessly and tirelessly on their behalf would be a downright betrayal of that trust, wouldn’t it? Well yes it would, now that you mention it. In fact it seems that we are in such noble territory, on such lofty moral ground that when I think of the likes of the selfless Beverly Flynn depriving herself of the most basic human entitlements in order to deliver unequivocally for the impoverished inhabitants of Mayo that the mere mention of money seems somehow inappropriate, crass and vulgar. That’s right, crass and vulgar.

Supposedly the best public representatives are people who have first succeeded in other fields. People who bring all their experience, their positive attitude, their connections and expertise to bear on political and fiscal matters and as a result excel at getting things done. Having realized all of their commercial ambitions their attention will then inevitably turn to giving something back, to being a force for good. Money does not even come into the equation. And here we have the kernel of what should be the start of a new political order in this country and ultimately the world.

Means testing for those seeking to run for public office.

They’ve done it to us, let’s do it to them. You must satisfy a minimum net worth or be excluded from even declaring your candidacy. We want to take money off the table as a motivator. Willingness to work for the common good is the only motive we’re interested in. I have a feeling we would be less uptight about helicopter trips, first class seats and bonuses for chairing of Oireachtas committees if we knew we weren’t picking up the tab. Have as many Junior Ministries as you like. In fact I always thought there should be one for plumbing paraphernalia. Minister of State for Back Boilers. About time.

The problem we have with the likes of Martin Cullen and Noel Dempsey is that they are grubby little wasters on the make, strutting around the place like big shots. Well in this scenario our TDs already are big shots, they’ve already made it. We can’t begrudge or complain about anything because they’re paying their own bills. It opens the door for proper no nonsense, unencumbered governance without prejudice. It has the potential to disentangle us so completely from the political realm that life could conceivably become enjoyable again. We could actually make plans to do things like go fishing with our buddies rather than face another evening tethered to the radio lest we miss details of the latest shambolic misappropriation of our money on Bullfart Radars by Brendan Smith. You want your life back don’t you? So do I.

I’ll give Denis O’Brien a ring, I’m sure he’ll run in Kildare South.